Hey there mister.

You look like you're drowning.

Care for some tea?

She breaks like glass

Funny how when I was younger, I looked up to different kinds of people in my high school.

I looked up to and envied those who had difficulties.

Problems.

Those who got attention for the sad things that happened to them in their lives.

I was an odd child. No doubt about it. Attention deprived and longing for acceptance.

I would actually look up to these people who were raped, pregnant, and high on everything.

I wanted to be interesting. Looked upon in any means. I had no idea who the fuck I was.

I tried to be their friend. I went to parties with them and wasted my life away with them.

They fucked me over, and I didn't even realize it.

I felt like them.

I've been where they have been.

Done what they have done.

I hit the lowest point in my life and realized

I

wasn't

happy.

Two years later.

I'm single.

Make great money at a job.

Have few, but great friends.

Been sober for 6 months. And vegan. I'm simple, but unique in MY own way. Creative in MY own means.

I honestly don't need to rely on anyone.

And I am happy.

She called me the other day. She's pregnant with her second child. She is jobless, homeless, alone.

Unhappy.

The other one is lost. Hooked on heroin.

They ask me for help.

I actually pity them.

The ones who I looked up to so highly.

What's crazy is, they don't think they have done anything wrong. They have ACTUALLY convinced themselves that they were normal.

It's pathetic.

Matt

"I'm a passionate lover,

but I do take occasional trips to pound town."

Something in the works

Open morning eyes

Roll over to look at time

Grab for my phone

Of course it's from him

Enormous smile (not forced)

Content

Here, here

Here's to a goal.

Try to be strong, you're not the only one

overtaken by fear,

looked down by the world.

It seems tough.

But hold on.

It's times, you dare to be alone.

You learn to grow.

It's times, you dare to be alone.

You learn to go, go on your own.

Groovy

And after our first kiss, he pulled away from my lips and with a calm voice he said,

"You're pretty"

I smiled and responded quickly with,

"You're beautiful".

"No, I'm handsome!" He proclaimed.

I JUST couldn't argue.

Watermelon

I felt almost bad for the guy. He's a riot, makes everyone laugh. He has never had a girlfriend. Being 20 and basically a virgin is tough.

He's a good friend. Really.

We were making out on his beaten up couch in his cold house.

"Stop trying to eat my face for a second... and open your lips a little. And less tongue. And slower."

I don't think he got it.

After awhile I paused to take my gum out.

"I knew something tasted like watermelon.." He said.

I laughed, and in that moment decided to let him have all of me that night..

And as he attempted to do the deed, I couldn't stop thinking about how much I like watermelon gum.

I really like it.

Free

I'm so done with looking for love.

I'm tired of trying my hardest to show a guy who I really am.

I'm sick of wasting my time with somebody who just wants a vagina.

I'm disgusted with myself for giving guys some bragging rights.

I'm done with trying to be someone I'm not.

I'm over paying for a guy's dinner.

I'm worth so much more than this.

If being single is the only means for happiness for me, then so be it!

I will no longer go looking for a guy.

No internet dating, no giving guys' my number in Safeway, no more blind dates.

NO MORE TALKING TO MY EXS'.

If a man wants me, and truly wants me, he can come to me.

No more wasting my time.

It's time to start living and growing on my own.

Children

What the fuck is up with all these kids having kids?

And getting married at 18?

What ever happened to going to college?

And getting degrees'?

Why must women these days put themselves in situations that fuck their lives over?

I am not one to judge, but damn.

I think half of my graduating class is married. At 19.

Kill me if i ever get married earlier than 21.

I think I smell a whole lot of divorces.